The Simple Life?

[Davinci]

I had so many dreams and goals and then one day I woke up and thought, holy cow. I'm tired. I don't have the energy I used to have. I don't have the physical strength or stamina I used to have. I can do what I used to do, but it takes me longer and now I often need glasses to see what I'm doing.

I want a simple life. A satisfying life. A life with order and a reasonable chance of success. By that I mean if I keep chickens, I would like to live where lurking predators only pose the occasional threat, and not an overwhelming threat. I'd like to live where roses could get enough sun and I could pound a post into soil to build a deer fence. I'd like a life where a winter trip to the chicken house is not on an ice covered slope that risks a broken wrist at least and broken hip at worst.

I want life to be about simple things that are easy, and mostly free. Sheets dried on the line, flowers on the table that I grew myself. Good coffee. Watching the ducks splash joyfully in their  bright blue wading pool.

So when Hub proposed a business partnership last night that would see us take on half of a 2.4 million dollar debt, I confess, I cried.

I cried because it seems he and I are not even on the same page. Somewhere we each took a different turn. As I want life to become simple, pared down, meaningful and deliberate, he's thinking that at the age of 51, acquiring massive debt might be a good idea. As he talks about wanting to work less and play more, he suddenly is thinking about taking on a debt load that will consume every spare second and every spare cent for god knows how long. And I cried. I put on my boots and coat, walked out to the horse pen, sat on a stump and bawled.

I thought lon and hard. Is it my place to stop Hub from pursuing this if it really matters to him? No. If he wants to do it. He can do it. But is it his place to drag me down a hole that I do not want any part of? No. He does not get to do that. So after being all upset and snotty, I came back in the house and said he was free to do whatever he felt he needed to in this life...as a single man. Divorce first, 2.4 million dollar debt second. He can work himself into an early grave and leave his money (or debt) behind. Me, I want to live a clean, deliberate life with a few animals and garden and time to feel the blessings that this world has to offer, and time to cope with the rainy days too. But being owned by the bank, body and soul is NOT part of my plan for the last years of my life.

Am I a fool? Is this wish for a life that I am in control of, is this stupidity? Am I a short sighted moron because I'm not all over this business deal? There was a time when this might have been a good plan, but that time was 20 years ago. I feel that ship has sailed for us. I want to spend time with my husband fishing, or having coffee with the old guys at the local McDonalds. I do not want to be a work widow because he has a debt to pay. That is not life. Money is not life. That is selling your soul to the devil. We all need money to live, but too many of us make money the thrust of our entire existence. We have lost our way!

I feel bewildered and betrayed that this suggestion was even brought home. That it's a thought that was even entertained. It highlights that we are not on the same page. How does this happen? I am supposed to have all the answers by this time not feel more confused and mistaken.

My Hub is a good man. A kind man. He is helpful to many people in any ways. I am not crowing about what a rat he is. But its' like we have become strangers in some ways. It's almost like he said, I think I should get a 2nd wife....if he does I hope she cooks!

[Fowler]

Whew, that's a big debt. I would hope it would at least be a limited company so any fallout wouldn't land on your personal finances.

If I may play 'husband's advocate', I do sometimes throw out an idea that I've been mulling over. Not something that I am dead set on doing. More of a 'wouldn't it be nice to' type of thing. For example: "Wouldn't it be nice to have a cottage on a lake." Wifey often takes the statement as if I'm ready to break ground tomorrow. I am not. Saying it out loud is often my way of mulling it over as I convince myself it isn't feasible.

[Ballyrag]

Hi

It's a decision both you guys need to make, I am a dreamer and always have big ideas my wife not so much she says she wants to live off the grid.

So it’s a lot of give and take, both side need to be committed in any new plans and commitment can come in many forms

My wife talks me down on stuff and me to her.  I think Fowler is right when he says "Not something that I am dead set on doing. More of a 'wouldn't it be nice to' type of thing"

And you know Men and woman don’t always think the same way, I think alot of men think Off the cuff and women not so much

This is only my opinion so please don’t hate on me

[Davinci]

Ballyrag, Fowler, I do not hate on either of you! Sometimes HUb thinks out loud too. He's been watching the knowledge network lately and there's this show about gold miners and they make it into a big, tragic drama, the loader broke down, oh no, major crisis! Hub, being a HD Mechanic, thinks working in a gold mine (and perhaps being a movie star) would be the best thing ever! So he does think aloud about career changes, or at least career location changes. But let's put our name on the line for over 2 million dollars..hello? Are you on crack?

Last night I did say, darling, I think perhaps this would be an imprudent decision at this time. Well, that's the spirit of what I said but not maybe exactly how I said it, but you get my meaning.

MY dad was an interesting man who lived a one of a kind life, but he put fun off until he was retired and he died at 66. All work, no play, although much of his work was play. There is enough in this world that we are tied to even if we don't want to be. But this is a servitude that we do not have to enter into and a complication and commitment I have no desire to make!

Thanks for you level headed words. Be careful what you say to your wives. It's just safer that way.

[ooptec]

Yea, sympathize, I'm 59 and while had a few interesting careers, had fun, learned lots about lots, got the t-shirt and the last thing I'd want is start again or keep it up. Enjoy my place and my own time, tho it doesn't pay really well, seem to have what I need and more. Maybe not newest and fastest but all good enuf.

Yet come from family that are all work-a-holic 'master's of the universe' Made the mistake the other day @ famdamily supper saying that didn't think the meaning of life is spending the best hours of the best years grinding away for lucre. ........... coulda heard a pin drop lol

Tough one

[Davinci]

Ooptec, I think there is vast wealth to be found in having enough, that's good enough, and knowing when you're there.

I have seen over and over men who say, as soon as my house is paid off, I'll be happy. As soon as my house is paid off and I have $200,000 in the bank, I'll be happy. As soon as my house is paid off, my second house is paid off and I have a million in the bank, I'll be happy. It never ends. As soon as you attain one of these goals, having more is what you've got to have, because people have not learned how to be happy. We have always learned that more is better.

I feel wealthy. I honestly do, because there isn't too much that I long for. A better piece of land, yes, I admit that. But I often drive through car lots for the heck of it to see what's on offer and I drive out knowing, with utter certainty, that if a geni came up to me and said, Davinci, you can have any vehicle on this lot, name it, it's yours. THe one I would drive out with is the one I drove in with. When you stop constantly wanting things, you realize how much you have.

Hamsters in a wheel run and run and run and the wheel keeps those poor little legs working, that little heart pumping until the hamster is an exhausted mess. But the truth is all the hamster has to do is just stop running. We are hamsters. I want to quit running.

[Fowler]

Might be a moo point anyway (remember Joey on "Friends"? "The point is Moo, it's like a cow's opinion! It just doesn't matter!").

Does he have a bank that would lend him 1.2 million? I know I don't.

[niglefritz]

I would be hesitant too. That is a lot of cash. I hate going in and signing for ANYTHING...even if we need it, and it is never that much! I can't imagine.

My concern would be over the most important relationship...ours as a couple and what it might do to our family.

Here is what I base that belief on. Twice, my dh has worked for a large farmer. Twice, they took more time (for very little pay) than what was reasonable. We hardly saw each other. He never saw the kids. They were always sleeping when he was home. When he did get home and might have a day off, he slept. He was crabby & became depressed too. I did all the work around the house and yard. It did him damage (he said something changed in him in those years...I knew that) and it did us damage, for sure. We are still struggling with it, but are doing okay. We have said that we will not be put into that position again. We have always wanted to homestead, be self sufficient, escape the rat race. This just gave us all the more desire to do so. We want to be a family working together and that is the only way to really achieve what we want.

The rest of my thought is that these men were out for the money (greedy). It didn't matter what they had to sacrifice (of course, it was mostly our family, not theirs). Even so, chasing money dreams often comes at a very high cost. These men never saw their children at any special things. My dh never saw our children. Going into debt like that as well, will mostly come at a very high cost in ways that he might not even imagine, or might, but might just choose to ignore.

Fast forward to the present. Yesterday, my dh said that his now current boss (a workaholic) is feeling the pinch of a deadline. Guess who he wants to work 10 hour days and 7 days a week (just for a month...but you know what that starts)? He is not alone in his feeling that it is not a good thing. I, myself, see a repeat of the other two times, and told him such when he asked what I thought. He agreed. He is tired, doesn't ever have enough time to do___, and so on. It would be bad for him, and bad for our family. Period. He is determined that he will stick to his guns and refuse. Extra hours seem nice, banked time sounds tempting, but is it really worth it? We think not. I am glad that at work, he is at least not alone in his thinking.

In contrast, I look at the life my grandparents led. They never had much...money nor things. They had no debt. They worked hard (for themselves on their place), and gave things away. They were creative, resourceful and never were wanting for anything, really. They were known & loved by all in the area. Nobody would think twice about helping them if needed, just like they did. My grandma's best known phrase..."I never get off this hill!" (   She did so.) But other than that, they were happy living "simply."

So, I would be more leaning towards your side of things, Davinci. A simple life may be hard, but more satisfying and more beneficial. Having debt is a huge burden and it brings a person down, wears them out. You are always needing to answer to somebody. You do not own yourself or your life. Someone else does. Being out of debt and having to answer to no one is so freeing.

If you feel that you need to use any of my reasoning or stories to help him figure things out, feel free to do so. Let us know how it works out. Good luck!

[niglefritz]

Yet come from family that are all work-a-holic 'master's of the universe' Made the mistake the other day @ famdamily supper saying that didn't think the meaning of life is spending the best hours of the best years grinding away for lucre. ........... coulda heard a pin drop    lol

Tough one

Yes, been there too. You get someone bragging about how much they make and all of that (and how they went here and there and want more money from sources...of course that they don't need), then you say something that is a totally opposite philosophy. lol They do not know what they are missing. I don't think that you could get them to understand if you tried.

What gets me as well is when someone says that they cannot live on less than "X" amount.   Well, let me tell you...they could. We do. It might take a lot of mind-blowing (for them anyway) changes,   but it can be done. It takes learning, work, and sacrifice, and sometimes those are the best lessons that a person can have...not having, and making do and learning out of need. It is more satisfying than chasing the all illusive money too. I just don't understand their way of thinking.   I am sure that we could all teach them a thing or two if they were only willing to listen and take the plunge.   

[Davinci]

Niglefritz, I am hugging you right now! Your words are perfect. EXACTLY how I think and feel! I am going to make Hub read the whole post!

As to the question, could we qualify for a loan of over a million dollars... I doubt it. Thank god.

[niglefritz]

You are welcome. Feeling the hug here.   

[Sassy]

Davinci, I understand your feeling of waking up one day and just feeling tired. I had that too. Including the need for glasses! :-)
We don't stay 25 forever and with age we notice our bodies aren't that flexible anymore, even though our minds still are so young and energetic.

I never cared for money. Probably that is the reason I'm not a rich woman. And I probably never will be a rich woman money wise because I just don't care for it.
I care for love, friendship, nature, peaceful mind and living simple. I want to enjoy nature, a cup of coffee in the morning sun, watching birds, play with my horses, grow my garden. Enjoy my time with people I love.
I hate debts. Had a lot of that in the past. The whole reason I want to build a small cabin, live off the grid, is to become independent, no debts, simpler life.
I don't say it always be easy, but hey....living in town here right now isn't easy neither all the time. Where ever you live, it always will bring its own challenges, right? But my basic has to be simple, my guidance.

To stay happy, I can only suggest one thing. Follow what your heart desires most. It's advice I always tell my 3 kids: Live the way that will make you happy.
Sometimes you have to disappoint others when doing that, but you will disappoint others more by being unhappy in your life.
I hope you will make the decision that will make you happy and keeps your mind peaceful.

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